You sleep less than 5 hours per night. You feel alone but there are little people around you. Do you feel that you are not fit for outside human consumption because some days you don’t have the time to shower. You are responsible for teaching small human beings to survive and thrive. You are your child’s first teacher before they get to school. Who are you? You are a stay at home mom. One of the most selfless jobs any woman can have. But there are times you feel as though you are a fraction of the person you once were. Here are a few tips to not losing your identity as a stay at home mom.
Tips to Not Losing Your Identity as a Stay at Home Mom
Ask yourself – “What will humanize me NOW?”
In other words, what will make you feel more like your old self? A relaxing bubble bath, putting makeup on, putting on an outfit that actually matches? Then you must make time for doing this every. single. day. And do it without guilt or fear of your child missing out because they have been off your hip for 20 minutes. You have to do YOU before you can be YOU to others. As each day goes on, you will start to feel more like the woman you were because you are taking care of yourself again. You will get back some sense of normalcy. And familiarity always feels more comforting.
Why don’t I have time to do everything? I’m home all day!
When you worked outside the home in an office, where you getting your housework done at the same time? No, right? Being a stay at home mom is a job. Period. And not a 9 to 5 one either. This one is 24 hours a day. You have to be “on” and “available” always. You don’t get sick days, personal days, holidays off or even a lunch hour anymore. So stop being so hard on yourself to do it all. At this season of your life, your family needs two main things everyday: food and clothes. Concentrate on the laundry and having food in the house. If you cannot make it out to the supermarket, go to a smaller scale store where you can get in and out quickly. Or utilize curbside service which is available through Walmart. Even better, the Dollar Tree has lots of food available if you need it in a pinch. Here are some of the best edible items at Dollar Tree.
As far as laundry is concerned, get into the habit of doing one load per day. Every morning, put one load in and switch it out when done. Doing it like this will mean less clothes to fold and put away daily.
I just feel so terrible that I cannot contribute to our finances right now.
This was a huge problem that I, myself, dealt with. I went from being a legal secretary for years and making very good income to a stay at home mom. However, it was a decision that my husband and I came to together. I waited longer than usual to become a mom and I fully embraced it. However, we constantly dealt with a barrage of questions from “others” (namely “extended family members”) who had issues with me not working. But now we believe it was more of a jealousy factor than anything else. If you click on my picture at the top right, you can read more about our financial journey.
Basically you have to ask yourself are you wanting to find a way to contribute out of necessity or out of sanity? If it is out of guilt, ask yourself this, “What can I do right now from home that will help with finances?” There are TONS of things to do from home. I have been doing them for 11 years. Do I make as much as I did when I worked 40 hour weeks? No. Have I been able to make adjustments to our budget without leaving the house and still be able to thrive and do all the things we want to do and more? You bet! Here are some of the ways I have done just that:
If you feel badly about not contributing because you miss conversing with adults, there is a lot you can do to remedy just that. Join a book club, reconnect with old work friends once a month to catch up on office antics or sometimes just a chat on the phone with old work buddies can do the trick.
Above all, remember this: you are doing a wonderful thing for your children. And this is just a “season” you are presently in and one day you will look back on this and realize just how lucky you were!